The Space Between the Extremes

Athena, the Golden Mean, and the Development of a Woman Leader

In my last blog, What Is Your Armor Protecting? I explored Athena's armor as a metaphor for the psychological defenses we carry into leadership. The armor itself was not the problem. The question was whether we were aware of what we were asking the armor to protect.

Self-awareness creates an important pause between what happens to us and how we respond. But awareness alone is not enough. Once we recognize what is happening within us, another question emerges:

In answer to this question, Athena offers us another powerful lens.

She was a goddess of war, but she was also a goddess of wisdom and strategy. She possessed the capacity for force, yet force was not her only response. Her power was inseparable from discernment.

Centuries later, Aristotle gave philosophical language to a similar idea through his concept of the Golden Mean. For Aristotle, virtue was often found between two extremes: one of excess and one of deficiency. Courage, for example, exists somewhere between cowardice and recklessness.

But the Golden Mean should not be mistaken for simply choosing the middle. It asks something much more difficult of us. It asks us to develop the practical wisdom to discern what this particular situation requires.

That distinction has profound implications for women in leadership.

Leadership at the extremes…

Under pressure, most of us have places we instinctively go. Some of us become louder. Others become quieter. Some take control. Others accommodate. Some jump to confrontation. Others avoid conflict until avoiding it is no longer possible.

These responses are not necessarily weaknesses. In fact, many began as strengths.

For instance, the woman who takes control may be extraordinarily capable. The woman who accommodates may be highly attuned to relationships. The woman who analyzes every possibility may be thoughtful and conscientious. And still, the woman who acts quickly may be courageous and decisive.

The challenge arises when a strength becomes the automatic response rather than a conscious choice. Under pressure, we tend to reach for what is familiar. And that same familiarity can pull us toward an extreme.

Consider the leader who avoids conflict…

Imagine a leader who places enormous value on relationships. One of her employees has repeatedly failed to meet expectations. She knows a difficult conversation needs to happen, but she worries about damaging the relationship. She softens her feedback. She gives another chance. She quietly compensates for the employee's shortcomings herself or plays the “devil's advocate” to others who question the behavior.

Her empathy is a strength. But taken too far, this same strength moves her toward avoidance.

At the opposite extreme, imagine that her frustration finally reaches its limit. Now she enters the conversation angry. Months of unspoken resentment come with her. The conversation becomes less about development and more about everything the employee has done wrong.

The pendulum has swung, first to little confrontation, now too much.

The intriguing concept Aristotle introduced in the “Golden Mean” asks the leader to pause and consider another possibility.

Not: How do I avoid upsetting this person? And not: How do I finally make this person understand how frustrated I am? But: What response serves both the person and the responsibility I hold as a leader?

This question leads to discernment. The Greek meaning of discernment (diakrisis) is “to separate thoroughly” or “to make a careful distinction.”

Athena at the center…

This is where Athena becomes particularly meaningful to me as an archetype for leadership development. Athena possesses armor. She possesses a spear. She is capable of battle and moving into war, but she also represents wisdom, strategy, and discernment.

When one takes a moment to conceptualize Athena embodying the architect of her design she provides, one sees the psychologically mature leader does not have to relinquish her capacity for strength in order to be compassionate. Nor does she have to relinquish compassion in order to exercise authority.

Instead she possesses the ability to hold both. Perhaps this is one way we can understand the Golden Mean in contemporary leadership:

For the leader in our example, the appropriate response may be a direct and difficult conversation delivered with respect.

She can say: This isn't meeting the standard. And still communicate: I believe you are capable of more. She can hold someone accountable without humiliating them. She can care about the relationship without rescuing the person from responsibility.

She can be both compassionate and clear. That is not weakness. Nor is it compromise. It is discernment.

The Golden Mean is not always the middle…

When we think of “mean” we think of a midpoint, but in the case of the golden mean, the midpoint is not a mathematical concept. The Golden Mean does not ask women to become endlessly moderate, pleasant, or accommodating. Sometimes the appropriate leadership response is forceful. Sometimes a boundary must be set firmly. Sometimes injustice requires confrontation. Sometimes a decision must be made quickly. And sometimes the wisest response is to say very little and just listen.

The goal is not to permanently position ourselves at the midpoint of every leadership continuum. The goal is to develop enough self-awareness and practical wisdom that we are not unconsciously driven toward one end or the other. The goal is to realize there is a lot of freedom between the two poles to select a different reaction.

By doing this, we gain access to the entire range. We can ask: Where am I on this continuum right now? What is pulling me toward this response? Am I choosing this response—or is it choosing me? This is where self-awareness becomes leadership practice.

Wisdom is developed through practice…

There is another aspect of Aristotle's thinking that I find particularly relevant to leadership. Character is not something we simply possess. It is cultivated. We become courageous by practicing courage. We become discerning by practicing discernment. We become more intentional by repeatedly noticing the moments when we are tempted to react automatically—and choosing differently.

Leadership develops in much the same way. Every time we have a difficult conversation we strengthen that skill to be able to have more. Every moment of frustration, every firm boundary set, every difficult decision gives us the practice we need to do it again. Most importantly, every time we recognize the urge to react and create even a small space before responding, we strengthen our capacity to lead with intention.

Over time, what initially requires enormous conscious effort begins to become part of who we are because we strengthen our emotional muscles when we make a conscious effort to use them.

The pause before the choice…

Perhaps Athena's greatest lesson for the developing woman leader is not that she should always be wise, strategic, or composed. That would simply create another impossible expectation for women to carry.

Instead, Athena reminds us that we possess more than one way of responding. We can be strong without becoming rigid. Compassionate without rescuing. Confident without becoming resistant to feedback. Collaborative without surrendering our authority. Strategic without becoming emotionally detached or courageous without becoming reckless.

The work is not to operate from one polarity. The work is to become conscious enough to hold the tension between the opposites. To pause. To discern. And then to choose.

Those choices are where the concept of the Golden Mean becomes more than an ancient philosophical idea embedded in the dusty pages of history. Instead it emerges into the 21st Century becoming a powerful leadership practice.

And perhaps by becoming conscious and moving forward with intention, we are one step closer to authentically embracing our leadership rather than acting in a role we signed up for.

Not because we always know the perfect response. But because we are developing the wisdom to recognize that we have choices.

I see Athena's power as not in wisdom or in war, but in knowing when to use them.

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